The Benefits of Massage
Choices
I had a rough night. Last night I found a message to my husband from one of his poor choices, a woman he had an emotional affair with after his first tour. Even now, 4 years later, she won't let go. I could choose to let that derail my day but instead I am choosing to move forward and not get stuck in the past. I'm going to take the two Snowshoe Siamese cats outside because they love to go outside and then I'm going to make a healthy breakfast. I choose to move forward today. What choices are you making to move forward today?
Great Finds: World Market Coffee (and Tea) Press
Making and drinking tea involves all the senses: You see the beautiful tea brewing, smell the aroma of sweet and pungent herbs, hear the soft sizzle of boiling water, feel the warmth of the mug with your hands and taste the delicious and healthy tea.
I had a coffee press, that I use to make tea, and I used it constantly throughout the day. But even though I kept saying the press was not to go into the dishwasher someone else in the house would forget and always put it in the dishwasher. So, that press didn't last long.
I have put off buying another one because I am really bad at spending money on myself and have to be talked into buying even the smallest luxury for myself. But yesterday I was at World Market, one of my favorite stores, to buy some of their amazing candles and drool over gorgeous furniture we cannot afford and I found this press. It's the World Market brand, and it's a bargain at only $17. Most of the other presses started and $25 and climbed in price from there. It's well made, it's cheerful to look at it, and it makes 8 glorious cups of tea when filled. If you like tea or really good coffee this is an affordable indulgence that's worth buying!
Somtimes Nights are the Worst
Hands up if you have felt like this lately: forgotten by the world and by your soldier, unloved, uncared for..... yeah. Me too. It's so hard for me to conceive of how a simple, "I love you" or a simple acknowledgement of my existence is too hard for him when all day everyday I do anything I can do to show him I care. Yesterday he had 24 hour duty and I stayed up too. I made sure he had healthy hot meals when he could get home. I made sure there was plenty of hot coffee. I sat up with him to help him stay awake until he had to go back after a break. He said to me,"Well you could have gone to bed."I wish he could emotionally connect again and realize that I stayed up because I wanted to help him, but that I would have appreciate a hug or a "Thanks hon, I love you" as an acknowledgement. I know he struggles with emotional connection so I told him that I was feeling bad and needed a little emotional support from him. I didn't drop some passive aggressive bomb. I didn't yell or scream or blame him for not picking up on my silent cues. I told him exactly what I needed from him. And he still got irritated with me. It's so hard to keep going through this for someone who I know would never do the same for me. Not anymore anyway. The man I married would have. Sometimes I really don't like this new guy.
Living a military life is isolating enough. Adding in the PTSD makes it practically impossible to connect to my family and friends. They can't understand what it's like to live like this and I can no longer relate to how they life. It's too painful to see their Facebook posts about happy family outings, holidays, birthdays, weddings and other joy filled occasions. But the hardest is to see the small celebrations of intimacy between friends and their spouses. I remember what it was like to have a spouse who was kind and generous and loving. He still is that way, to other people. But it seems impossible for him to be that with me again. I don't know why. I do know he may never be able to be that way with me again. I don't know if I can re-frame my expectations to allow for his PTSD and not resent him for no longer being the person he was when we got married. But until I figure it out I have to keep going. Someone has to do the laundry, feed the cats, make sure the bills get paid and the house gets cleaned and he gets to his appointments and takes his medications and buy the groceries and make the meals and so on and so on. Tomorrow will be a better day. Right? I hope it will anyway.
Living a military life is isolating enough. Adding in the PTSD makes it practically impossible to connect to my family and friends. They can't understand what it's like to live like this and I can no longer relate to how they life. It's too painful to see their Facebook posts about happy family outings, holidays, birthdays, weddings and other joy filled occasions. But the hardest is to see the small celebrations of intimacy between friends and their spouses. I remember what it was like to have a spouse who was kind and generous and loving. He still is that way, to other people. But it seems impossible for him to be that with me again. I don't know why. I do know he may never be able to be that way with me again. I don't know if I can re-frame my expectations to allow for his PTSD and not resent him for no longer being the person he was when we got married. But until I figure it out I have to keep going. Someone has to do the laundry, feed the cats, make sure the bills get paid and the house gets cleaned and he gets to his appointments and takes his medications and buy the groceries and make the meals and so on and so on. Tomorrow will be a better day. Right? I hope it will anyway.
Starting the Conversation
25 February 2013
5:26 AM
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Labels: change , Emotional , healh , new life , relationships , transformation
Labels: change , Emotional , healh , new life , relationships , transformation
The hardest thing to do sometimes is to start a conversation like that. Whether it's telling someone you love that you are noticing they are struggling again, or telling yourself that you are on the wrong path it's not easy to do. But nothing will change until you do. Remember that one act of bravery, starting a dialog, can transform your love and the lives of the people you love. Is there someone you need to have a conversation like that with today? Do it. Don't put it off. Let positive change start today.
Be the Change You Want To See (In Your Soldier or Vet)
BrainlineMilitary.org had an excellent guest blog this morning that featured this paragraph which really hit home to me:
"As a community, we do however, also have a responsibility – as individuals who have sustained injuries; as family members, friends and caretakers; or as the support network of those individuals with disabilities, to encourage positive attitudes and promote best practices for rehabilitative outcomes. There still exists a stigma about mental health problems and readjustment after combat – but these conditions are treatable! The work of therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists is amazing and making a real impact on people’s lives. Let’s help build an environment that is supportive and prepares our injured colleagues for success"
As the main source of support for our soldiers and vets struggling with PTS/CS/TBI our attitudes about treatment are critically important. Sometimes you may want things to be normal again so much that you ignore signs that your soldier or vet is struggling. Or you may be overwhelmed by all the additional things you need to do that your soldier/vet can no longer do. I completely understand how hard it is to have to take over all the household duties, work, do the bills, do the shopping, and try to keep track of medical appointments and therapy appointments and treatment plans and other tasks related to your soldier or vet's care. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming you want to give up. Or, you stop taking care of your own needs to focus on the needs of everyone around you. But that doesn't help anyone.
But you can take care of yourself and encourage your soldier or vet to take care of themselves at the same time. Meditate together. Try making healthy dishes and discuss what you both like or don't like. Cultivate a focus on health at home so that your soldier or vet is encouraged to look at new ideas and new methods of treatment. It's been proven that alternative therapies like meditation and art therapy can have profound effects on soldiers and vets healing from PTS/CS/TBI. But as caregivers we need to embrace those ideas and therapies so that our soldiers and vets will embrace them also.
So make time to meditate. Go to a holistic health center this weekend to get information on meditation classes, Reiki and other treatments. Go to a yoga class. Your soldier or vet will follow your lead. You can take better care of yourself and create a healing environment at home to encourage your soldier or vet to take better care of themselves.
"As a community, we do however, also have a responsibility – as individuals who have sustained injuries; as family members, friends and caretakers; or as the support network of those individuals with disabilities, to encourage positive attitudes and promote best practices for rehabilitative outcomes. There still exists a stigma about mental health problems and readjustment after combat – but these conditions are treatable! The work of therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists is amazing and making a real impact on people’s lives. Let’s help build an environment that is supportive and prepares our injured colleagues for success"
As the main source of support for our soldiers and vets struggling with PTS/CS/TBI our attitudes about treatment are critically important. Sometimes you may want things to be normal again so much that you ignore signs that your soldier or vet is struggling. Or you may be overwhelmed by all the additional things you need to do that your soldier/vet can no longer do. I completely understand how hard it is to have to take over all the household duties, work, do the bills, do the shopping, and try to keep track of medical appointments and therapy appointments and treatment plans and other tasks related to your soldier or vet's care. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming you want to give up. Or, you stop taking care of your own needs to focus on the needs of everyone around you. But that doesn't help anyone.
But you can take care of yourself and encourage your soldier or vet to take care of themselves at the same time. Meditate together. Try making healthy dishes and discuss what you both like or don't like. Cultivate a focus on health at home so that your soldier or vet is encouraged to look at new ideas and new methods of treatment. It's been proven that alternative therapies like meditation and art therapy can have profound effects on soldiers and vets healing from PTS/CS/TBI. But as caregivers we need to embrace those ideas and therapies so that our soldiers and vets will embrace them also.
So make time to meditate. Go to a holistic health center this weekend to get information on meditation classes, Reiki and other treatments. Go to a yoga class. Your soldier or vet will follow your lead. You can take better care of yourself and create a healing environment at home to encourage your soldier or vet to take better care of themselves.
How to Handle a Bad Day
One of the most important things mentioned in the post is to remember that it won't last forever. Bad days will come and go, but tomorrow is always a chance to start again.
One of the best ways I have found to handle a bad day is to make sure that you are surrounded by things that remind you of good days and good times. Don't stick photos in albums or scrapbooks - post them near your workspace or in a place you can see them often. Hang up the cards that your spouse has given you or that friends have sent you. Those little reminders that you have people who love you and that there are good times as well as bad can be a lifeline when it feels like your whole world has been taken over by your spouse's PTSD.
Starting a New Week
I promise I will fix the slider at the top in the next couple days. I know it's distracting. I just haven't had a chance to get to it yet. The last few days have been tough to keep a balance. DH has been slipping a little which throws the entire household off kilter. But everyday is a new day and another stop towards that elusive balance.
Here are some life lessons from cats to start your week off right!
Here are some life lessons from cats to start your week off right!
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